Tuesday, November 6, 2012

In a Battle with satan...or is it God?

I knew there would be consequences to pay for starting this blog again and for this feeling that God had been testing me lately and that I feel a sense of relief that the test is over. Apparently it made satan mad that all that has happened.

I awoke at 5:15am this morning literally with my heart racing, mind going a mile a second and for no apparent reason. So very restless, anxious and scared about something that I was not aware of. I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep but to no avail. Now at 8:00am, I literally feel as though I had been fighting with someone, something and am exhausted. Anyone cannot tell me that spiritual warfare does not happen. Why was I so scared? I don't know. I got up, checked my daughter, she was fine, checked the doors and looked outside, all was well. All I know is that when I finally got my thoughts together enough to pray, "Heavenly Father, please let me rest and give me peace", it happened. I could literally hear my heart pounding in my ears and as I prayed, I heard the heartbeats soften and slow  until they became a normal pace.

I truly believe God has me at a new place, a new chapter in my life. He's trying to tell me something, show me something. I did a lot of "spiritual housekeeping" yesterday and I think these are all just steps into the next chapter that God has in store for me. I pray constantly for Him to reveal it to me but it is all in His timing, not mine. But I sure hope it isn't too long because I'm not sure how long this old body can go with no sleep and stomach aches like I've have over the past few days!

I don't know what He has in store, but I know what He doesn't have in store. He doesn't have plans for any of us to live a dreaded life. He doesn't want us to be miserable. God puts specific desires deep down in our hearts because I truly believe those are His desires for us. No, I don't mean that Gucci bag you've been wanting for a year or that boat  that would be perfect for fishing. I mean those true, deep desires that will never go away after years and years. God wants to glorify His Kingdom though you and me.

Gods desires for me I believe have to do with my children who my heart aches to see the years slipping away into their adulthood and I never got to spend the quality time I wanted to with them because I became a single mom and had to work. I also believe Gods desires for me still involve Tennessee. I've had the feeling that east Tennessee is home to me for years before I ever visited. After I visited, it truly was home, but it has to be my "heart home" because I'm still in Indiana...for now. And God has always given me an unfailing love of animals. And of course, His desire for me is to love and serve Him. So lets see God, my daughters, Tennessee and animals?! Wonder where that could lead? I don't know but it sounds fun!

As I was struggling with this battle within early this morning, a friend on Facebook wrote: "Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God". I literally began crying when I saw this. He IS God and who am I to argue. Than as I was doing my Bible reading before reading this, God put the perfect Psalm in my reading...

"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.

How long will you attack a man?
You shall be slain, all of you,
Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence.
They only consult to cast him down from
   his high position;
They delight in lies;
They bless with their mouth,
But they curse inwardly.                         Selah

My soul, wait silently for God alone, 
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times,you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.                          Selah

Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighted on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor.
Do not trust in opression, 
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heart this;
That power belongs to God.
Also, to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according 
to his work.

Psalm 62

Before I go, I want you to tell me, have you had these spiritual battles? And what are those deep desires that God has places in your heart? Have you followed Gods guidance or not? What happened when you did either?

In my prayer book I have several things that I have been praying for years and I want to share them with you...

"Lord please let me be joyful in my  trials" James 1:2

"God bust down the barriers between me and whatever it is that You want for me in this life."

" God please break open our understanding and reveal Yourself to me!"

"Lord lead me BOLDLY where You want me."

Have a blessed day! :)

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