Sunday, November 11, 2012

Reckless Abandonment

"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

In a Battle with satan...or is it God?

I knew there would be consequences to pay for starting this blog again and for this feeling that God had been testing me lately and that I feel a sense of relief that the test is over. Apparently it made satan mad that all that has happened.

I awoke at 5:15am this morning literally with my heart racing, mind going a mile a second and for no apparent reason. So very restless, anxious and scared about something that I was not aware of. I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep but to no avail. Now at 8:00am, I literally feel as though I had been fighting with someone, something and am exhausted. Anyone cannot tell me that spiritual warfare does not happen. Why was I so scared? I don't know. I got up, checked my daughter, she was fine, checked the doors and looked outside, all was well. All I know is that when I finally got my thoughts together enough to pray, "Heavenly Father, please let me rest and give me peace", it happened. I could literally hear my heart pounding in my ears and as I prayed, I heard the heartbeats soften and slow  until they became a normal pace.

I truly believe God has me at a new place, a new chapter in my life. He's trying to tell me something, show me something. I did a lot of "spiritual housekeeping" yesterday and I think these are all just steps into the next chapter that God has in store for me. I pray constantly for Him to reveal it to me but it is all in His timing, not mine. But I sure hope it isn't too long because I'm not sure how long this old body can go with no sleep and stomach aches like I've have over the past few days!

I don't know what He has in store, but I know what He doesn't have in store. He doesn't have plans for any of us to live a dreaded life. He doesn't want us to be miserable. God puts specific desires deep down in our hearts because I truly believe those are His desires for us. No, I don't mean that Gucci bag you've been wanting for a year or that boat  that would be perfect for fishing. I mean those true, deep desires that will never go away after years and years. God wants to glorify His Kingdom though you and me.

Gods desires for me I believe have to do with my children who my heart aches to see the years slipping away into their adulthood and I never got to spend the quality time I wanted to with them because I became a single mom and had to work. I also believe Gods desires for me still involve Tennessee. I've had the feeling that east Tennessee is home to me for years before I ever visited. After I visited, it truly was home, but it has to be my "heart home" because I'm still in Indiana...for now. And God has always given me an unfailing love of animals. And of course, His desire for me is to love and serve Him. So lets see God, my daughters, Tennessee and animals?! Wonder where that could lead? I don't know but it sounds fun!

As I was struggling with this battle within early this morning, a friend on Facebook wrote: "Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God". I literally began crying when I saw this. He IS God and who am I to argue. Than as I was doing my Bible reading before reading this, God put the perfect Psalm in my reading...

"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.

How long will you attack a man?
You shall be slain, all of you,
Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence.
They only consult to cast him down from
   his high position;
They delight in lies;
They bless with their mouth,
But they curse inwardly.                         Selah

My soul, wait silently for God alone, 
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times,you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.                          Selah

Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighted on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor.
Do not trust in opression, 
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heart this;
That power belongs to God.
Also, to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according 
to his work.

Psalm 62

Before I go, I want you to tell me, have you had these spiritual battles? And what are those deep desires that God has places in your heart? Have you followed Gods guidance or not? What happened when you did either?

In my prayer book I have several things that I have been praying for years and I want to share them with you...

"Lord please let me be joyful in my  trials" James 1:2

"God bust down the barriers between me and whatever it is that You want for me in this life."

" God please break open our understanding and reveal Yourself to me!"

"Lord lead me BOLDLY where You want me."

Have a blessed day! :)

Monday, November 5, 2012

Home is where the heart is

I never completed my blog entries about our home so I thought I would give an overview. Unfortunately I could never express just how touched and blessed I was by the process of getting to know the beautiful people of Habitat for Humanity of Monroe County through this process.  And unfortunately this earthly life must carry on and I have to get to work shortly. But here goes...

So just like a whirlwind my house began being built and 10 days later, I had a home and my heart was about to explode with the love that was shown through hundreds of volunteer women who helped build our home. What an experience it was. My daughters got to come and help work on their own house. How cool is it for my daughters to be able to bring their children here some day and say, "I painted that room" or "I caulked that baseboard". Wow, a once in a lifetime chance.

The house is awesome but the most amazing thing to me is the hearts of the workers from Habitat and the volunteers that took time out of their days, time away from their families, time off from their jobs to help my family! Unbelievable!

Habitat for Humanity definitely changed my life in more than one day. Yes, I got a beautiful home out of it, but I got a new, beautiful extended family from the Habitat employees, the volunteers, the radio staff that was here covering the build and my beautiful neighbors!

God has blessed us!

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do

What is it that I want to do? Soooo many things, but do I do them? No! And I honestly don't know why other than satan doesn't want to see me follow through with God's plans for my life. Well guess what satan? Here I am and God is on my side and we will conquer you! So here I am determined once again to blog my little heart out! Please keep me in your prayers as I want to stay consistent this time and resist the temptation to stop...again!

I feel like I have been going through some spiritual struggles over the past few weeks or more. I just know that I know that I know that God has allowed me to go through these struggles as a test. It's been hard but I truly have felt a huge sense of relief beginning yesterday. I feel as though God has said, "good job my child, you have passed the test." As strange as it sounds, I feel like this child that just brought her report card home to her mom with all "A"'s! I can't quit smiling. You can't tell me that's not my Heavenly Father!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging because it's been tough. There are a lot of temptations out there that I easily could have fallen for. And I know there will be many more tests to come. I just pray that I will have my Spiritual Warfare on when that time comes.

I have a very powerful prayer about Spiritual armor that I like to pray daily. I thought I would share because it sure makes me feel like even the Terminator can't get through to this girl!

   With a pure (clean) heart and a clear mind, Lord Jesus, I ask that at this time please clothe me with your belt of truth. Thank you for providing us with the truth for the truth has set me free.

Next, please clothe me with the breastplate of righteousness, which I know I have protecting me because Jesus is in my heart.

I now lift my feet to be fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. I pray that I will walk in peace today and take every opportunity to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with those I meet.

I take up the shield of faith to guard my heart against all the flaming arrows of the ev il one.

I put on the helmet of Salvation to protect my mind,

Then fully clothed in my Spiritual Armor, I take up thee Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God and the only true weapon I have to fight the raging battle that surrounds me-AMEN

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." Romans 7:15-20