Saturday, August 16, 2008

Grilled burgers anyone? NOT!

Okay, the last day of my kids spring vacation I thought I would make burgers on the grill. I mean, what better way to celebrate the end of summer. Plus it would be for lunch and it is much less clean-up for my daycare children's lunch too. You know, kill two birds with one stone. But, I love animals so let's make it bugs instead. So I go out and start the charcoal grill about an hour before it was time for lunch. I am used to a gas grill but my wonderful friend Angie had a charcoal grill that she and her hubby decided they didn't anymore and I didn't have a grill at all so perfect, right? I put the little new charcoals in the grill all pretty and spray them with the starter fluid and light it. Easy. Small flame...then it goes away. Okay, we will put more starter fluid...ooohhh, a better fire...then it goes away. Okay I'll douse it good (kids, don't try this at home) nice big fire. I tell Sierra to stand back, it's going crazy...then it goes away. Hhhmmm...maybe if I stand there and slowly spritz the fire with starter fluid, it will turn the coals white and I can cook. Tried that tactic for about 10 minutes and the corners were white...about what they were about 3/4 of a starter fluid bottle ago. I let it sit there for awhile, hopefully burning off the way excess starter fluid. Decided that I would go ahead and try some hotdogs on the grill. After all, no one would get salmonella from them, people eat them uncooked sometimes! Put them on, went inside to cook the rest of the lunch. Come back 10 minutes later and find them still raw. By then it was 1:15pm, kids were suppose to be taking a nap at 12:30! So, lunch was cooked inside on the stove.
Ironically though that I may never be an arsonist, an expert grill starter but I can ignite a whole house if given the chance. I couldn't start that grill if my life depended on it. But back in January, my gas furnace wouldn't stay on. We had to light the pilot light every night. One sleepy morning just like every previous morning it was freezing when I woke up. Went in to light the pilot while the girls slept and BOOM! It exploded in my face. Burned my extra long wood match to pure carbon just like on cartoons! Blew the clock off the wall and burned my face, my finger and my eyes. I was really upset when that happened because I was literally praying, "God please let this light and nothing bad happen...then BOOM!" I thought, God where were you? Why did you let that happen? I could've been killed. I asked for your help. But a friend of mine said it perfectly. God was with me. I couldn't have died, but didn't. It could have killed all of us and the neighbors, but it didn't. God was truly there protecting us as I prayed. Wow, was I blessed at that second but didn't realize it at the time.
Have you ever been like my charcoal grill? I have. On fire for the Lord for a while...then it goes away. Off and on in your spiritual walk. Lukewarm at times but on fire others. Then maybe no flame at all sometimes. God says in Revelation 3:15-16 "I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So, then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of My mouth." It goes on to say in verse 17, "Because you say, 'I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing'-and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked-"
How many times, when life is going well, we become "cold" in our spiritual lives. Then when things get tough we pray, "God please help us". Be on fire for the Lord at all good and in bad. Do not be lukewarm. Why do I think I have a right to tell you what to do? Because I have been a lukewarm Christian and although you don't realize it at the time, it is a scary place to be. It is a very vulnerable place to be.
Okay, time to close for now. But if any of you out there want their gas furnace lit...give me a call. I'll bet we could have a lit furnace and a cookout all at the same time! Love ya!

In His precious name,

Where has time gone??

Wow, I haven't written in ages! Lets play catch up...
My two youngest daughters went on vacation with their dad to Branson, Missouri the week of Aug 3-8th. I was really upset that they were not only gone but because I fear that they are safe. I guess it is a "mom thing". You just never think anyone can take care of them like mom does. The more I thought about they being gone and me being upset, the more I think it is because I am not the one who got to take them. I guess that is the jealous part of me. As their mom, I work so hard to provide the everyday things they need. With school starting this past week, there was another $50 + to spend. I want to have those good memories with my kids. I've never gotten to take them on a vacation of any kind. I have to worry about providing food, clothing, electricity, a home while their dad gets to be the good guy. It hurts because I know they have so many fun memories with their dad. The memories they have with me is the house is always full of daycare kids that tear up their stuff, they only get the necessities because mom can't give them the cool things their friends have and mom saying, "is your homework done?", "did you brush your teeth?", "feed your cat!".
But then I stop and think...I have tried my hardest (with the occasional big speed bump due to my own stupidity) to give them a stable life, unconditional love, hopefully instilled the love of the Lord down deep in their soul, that your family is very important and even when you don't like each other at times, you still love each other like crazy. They may not have memories of getting money spent of things just because, or going to cool places, getting at the most upstanding restaurants and whatever else goes along with a great vacation. But when they are grown and need someone to talk to, they know they can always come home to me. They know they will always have the unconditional love that they have known all their lives.
Life hasn't been easy for us four girls, but we love one another...and always will. And if we can love one another that much, just imagine how much our creator loves us. Talk about unconditional love.
Nobody said life as a Christian is easy and wow, has it every not been easy. But the hard times only makes for the even stronger bond that we already have. Just knowing that God has gotten us through yet another hard is even more reason to know that He is not only real, but very powerful and ever present.
So daughters, if you read this...sorry when I'm grumpy, sorry when I cry, sorry when I'm not paying attention to you (like right now as Brittany and Sierra are sitting here in the room with me and Cody is in the living room watching tv. I know you are leaving to your dads soon and I will miss you like crazy), when I yell when you say you want something that I say we don't have the money for, when your dad gives you things that I can't and I get jealous, and everything else that a single mom feels. It isn't because I am mad at you. It is because I am disappointed in myself. I am upset because I can't get you everything that I want to give you. I love you 3 more than you will ever know and I want only the best for you. I am disappointed in myself for not being able to do more for you. I'm disappointed in myself for marrying someone that I should have known wouldn't work.
I just love you and I hope that if you learn anything at all from your will be to love Jesus with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength. If we went through tough times every day, it would all be worth if you take that one piece of advice...make Jesus your best friend and cling to Him every second of the day!!
I love you BUNCHES!
Okay, time to get out of my pity car, dust myself off once again and love the Lord and my life. My goodness, the girls made it home safe and sound. They still love me (haha) and they have all of their limbs still firmly attached! Once is great and I praise the good Lord for that!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Is it Friday already??

Well, this week sure flew by! I think it's because I didn't want it to go fast. You see, my two youngest daughters are leaving on vacation with their father and their step to be family on Sunday. I know, it doesn't sound like much to worry about, well, to me it is. I won't get into the whys and what fors because I don't believe in that. But please just cover them in prayer because they will need it.
My oldest daughter Brittany gets upset because she says, "I wish you would miss me once in awhile". When reality is, she is with me all the time, which is a great thing, but I don't have time to miss her. What she doesn't realize is that I did worry about her, I worried myself sick sometimes when she was little. When I thought she was going to go to her fathers house, I would literally be sick and I would cry my eyes out. I don't have to miss her now because I don't have that fear anymore because she is nearly 19 and if she wants to be with me, she can be with me. But the younger ones don't have a choice, they have to go.
If there was one thing that I could teach my daughters, it would be to constantly seek Gods will and guidance in choosing a husband. Which is going to be the subject of my next blog here in the next day or so.
Well, I just wanted to say "hi" for a moment. My day has begun, my first precious little daycare child has arrived for the day. It is quite difficult typing with one hand with a little baby on your lap trying to add their own editorials to your blog! Brings back memories of when my girls were young...sigh.

Love and blessings,