New Beginnings!

I have had this blog since 2011 and have sporadically written on it. I very much enjoy writing and hopefully being a blessing to anyone who stumbles upon my blog.

I feel like I have been in a Godly whirlwind the past month or so and have been blown away (pun intended! :)  ) by the work God has done in my life. I would love to share some of the ways God has touched my life because if it can happen to me, it can happen to you!

First, I hit a milestone, I have been on this earth or half a century as on July 23! Wow, 50 years! People ask me if I feel older and what I tell them is no, I don't feel older, but I am concerned about how quickly the years went. I mean, I feel like just yesterday I was jumping on the trampoline in my back yard with my best friends as a 16 year old without a care in the world. My hope is to make the remaining years meaningful, to not take for granted a single second because before we know it, it will be gone. James 4:14 tells us, "For you appear to us for a little time then vanishes." And I can attest to this!

So I had a wonderful birthday celebrating with friends and family, then, the following day, I get a text from my boss saying I was laid off. God always knows what is best, and although I was terrified to have no regular income coming in to support my family, it was somewhat of a relief because it was a very stressful job. So much so, that I be physically ill from the anxiety and stress brought on by the job. Don't get me wrong, I was very thankful and learned a vast amount of knowledge from my experience there, but God knew...He knew I needed a change. Unfortunately, the change came at the expense of my boss becoming very ill and the business suffered greatly. Thankfully she is now on the mend and I am on to new adventures!

Now anyone who knows me knows that I am a worrier, and I worry over about anything. I can snowball a piece of dust into an avalanche in a matter of seconds and then, I worry because I am worried! LOL But God had a plan because there was no worry when I was laid off from my job, there was no lost sleep like there usually is, there was no waking up to my heart pounding wondering if my utilities were going to be shut off or because the house payment was already behind. Nothing, no worry, no stress, nothing...and that was because God had a plan!

As I was job searching, I was also spending time with my Lord, bonding, being loved on and trusting. I went to a couple of job interviews but knew that I was being held, supported and well, taken care of while I was waiting for "the" job.

Things were getting behind and I was even donating plasma for cash. But that started taking a toll on my body and I have since had to slow down. And THIS is where if you think God doesn't know, you're wrong. On a Saturday, I went out to check the mail and expecting the usual bills, but instead, there was a hand addressed envelope. I recognized the name as that of a classmate that I graduated with that lives out of state. Very sweet lady that I am friends with on Facebook but we hadn't talked in probably a year. I open the envelope and find a letter and the back of a check. By now, I am shaking because I am so touched by whatever this angel has done. As I read the letter, I begin sobbing because again, God knew. I sat on my porch for what seemed like eternity fearing turning the check around to see what was written on it. As I did, I couldn't help but to ask, "why me?". What have I, this grumpy old sinner, done to deserve such grace brought right to my home by a friend I haven't spoken with in ages?! But you know what, THAT'S God and He knows! I was provided enough through this blessing to get my two past due house payments caught up, my disconnects paid, and bought groceries! I couldn't stop thanking and praising God and immediately dropped to my knees in prayer.

And something else this kind gift provided...I was able to go to Goodwill (yep, I love it and yard sales!) and buy a few new pieces of clothing for the NEW and WONDERFUL job that I was offered and start tomorrow! Wow, I'm still blown away! I am so undeserving but yet so very thankful for everything in my life, the good, the bad and everything in between. If it weren't for the bad, we wouldn't be allowed to grow and stretch our faith to make us closer to the person God wants us to be. 

Don't ever think God isn't listening because sometimes, He is just waiting in the background to let us struggle to learn to trust Him more. Until the day we die, we are learning and becoming the person God intended us to be. 

**I will be starting a Bible Study soon, as many of you know. It will likely be a my home within the next week or two. I will write another blog post about it and giving details and if anyone has any questions or suggestions, don't hesitate to comment!

Stand

"Lord, teach me to stand firm when I've stood every way I know how--and the...help me to keep on standing."

Today is a special day!

   A dear teacher that I worked for years ago would always start our day in our class of children with special needs by saying, "Today is a really special day! There will never ever be another May 13, 2013 so make sure you make the best of it and make it special!" Okay, he didn't say the May 13th part, he would insert that days date. I have thought about that many times over the years and how true is that? We can't take back what happens today, we can't take back the words we say or the seconds, minutes, or hours we spent. But what we can do it make it special.
   My day today was very special. I awoke in a panic because I forgot to set my alarm but thankfully my internal alarm went off. But when I woke up I realized I had been dreaming something that made me happy and sad all at the same time. First let me say that I unfortunately, have not been to an actual church in quite a while. I stopped going when I started working many hours at my job last year and haven't been much since. But I had a dream I went in to talk to someone at the church that I was raised in and the service started so I stayed because getting up would mean making a scene and I wanted to stay anyway. I realized I was wearing jeans with designer tears in them and I had a couple of "tasteful" tattoos. The older lady sitting next to me in the awkward spot we got stuck sitting when the service started began asking me questions about the significance of the different tattoos. I felt fine talking to her and explaining; one was something that I got when I was really sick and it was to remind me basically how blessed I was to be alive. I turned around to look at the people in the sanctuary and everyone was much older wearing very much Sunday attire. The ladies had fancy frilly dresses and hats, etc. And no one was smiling. I don't know why I am telling this story except that I realized after I woke up that I really miss church. I feel closer to God now than I have in a long time, but I want the church family as well.
   After I got Sierra to school, I came home and soon there was a knock on the door. It was my friend Stacey who is the host on the radio station that is live from the Habitat for Humanity Women Build! It is going on again which means it has been a year since our house was built, can't you believe it! Wow! She wanted to interview me on the radio this morning so I went down and hung out with the super awesome Women Build people again. I still can't emphasis what a life changing experience that was in getting to know so many wonderful people and in the process, we got the home of our dreams. It still feels like a dream.
   The rest of my day consisted of the regular million applications and resumes and praying that every time the phone rang or my email alert went off, it was a job offer. Not today, better luck tomorrow.
   I picked Sierra up, brought her home, Cody and I did some errands including mailing Brittany her prenatal vitamins that she forgot while visiting me for Mothers Day (that is a whole other blog! Awesome!). Came home and my two teen daughters began to bicker, I had a good cry without them knowing...the joys of being a single mom! Came out with my Supermom cape on, cooked dinner, did some other things and here I am.
   So as you can see, today was a rollercoaster, or as I like to say, I typical day! Every day is a learning experience, a joy to be alive, a job (there is a purpose for every day that God gives us!) and most importantly, one more day for God to mold us into the person He wants us to be!

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

"Level UP!"

  Have you ever felt that you are in the midst of a real life video and God is finished with that chapter of your life and you can almost hear those words, "Level UP!" Me too! I have said for a couple of months now that I feel like God has taken me to a new level in life and it is exciting!
   New news in my life...I was laid off in March and have yet to find a job and it's okay, God is in charge. I mean, how bad can it be when they call you to tell you that you no longer have a job WHILE you are on vacation! True story!
   All joking aside, this past few months have been one gigantic, crazy, exciting, scary, sad, happy, fun and about every emotion in between! We went on vacation to my favorite place in the world (yay!), while there I found out I didn't have a job (boo!). My oldest daughter and her hubby moved to Tennessee (boo!) then a couple of weeks later found out they were expecting their first child and my first grandchild (Yay! Except boo that they are so far away!)! But in the grand scheme of life, life is a blessing and I am so thankful for every day. I see where people are coming down with cancer or terrible things are happening to families and I am so aware that life could be so much worse. I get stressed out, sure, I go have a good cry and a good talk with God and come out feeling like a new girl.
   Struggles stink, but they are stretching us, growing us, molding us into that person God wants us to be. He never said it would be easy, but He did say it would be worth it.
   A prayer that I say each morning includes the line, "Lord, teach me to stand firm when I've stood every way I know how--and then help me to keep on standing." Amen! That is SO true! And even truer is that He DOES!

"Put on the whole armor of God; that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil." Ephesians 6:11

Reckless Abandonment

"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

In a Battle with satan...or is it God?

I knew there would be consequences to pay for starting this blog again and for this feeling that God had been testing me lately and that I feel a sense of relief that the test is over. Apparently it made satan mad that all that has happened.

I awoke at 5:15am this morning literally with my heart racing, mind going a mile a second and for no apparent reason. So very restless, anxious and scared about something that I was not aware of. I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep but to no avail. Now at 8:00am, I literally feel as though I had been fighting with someone, something and am exhausted. Anyone cannot tell me that spiritual warfare does not happen. Why was I so scared? I don't know. I got up, checked my daughter, she was fine, checked the doors and looked outside, all was well. All I know is that when I finally got my thoughts together enough to pray, "Heavenly Father, please let me rest and give me peace", it happened. I could literally hear my heart pounding in my ears and as I prayed, I heard the heartbeats soften and slow  until they became a normal pace.

I truly believe God has me at a new place, a new chapter in my life. He's trying to tell me something, show me something. I did a lot of "spiritual housekeeping" yesterday and I think these are all just steps into the next chapter that God has in store for me. I pray constantly for Him to reveal it to me but it is all in His timing, not mine. But I sure hope it isn't too long because I'm not sure how long this old body can go with no sleep and stomach aches like I've have over the past few days!

I don't know what He has in store, but I know what He doesn't have in store. He doesn't have plans for any of us to live a dreaded life. He doesn't want us to be miserable. God puts specific desires deep down in our hearts because I truly believe those are His desires for us. No, I don't mean that Gucci bag you've been wanting for a year or that boat  that would be perfect for fishing. I mean those true, deep desires that will never go away after years and years. God wants to glorify His Kingdom though you and me.

Gods desires for me I believe have to do with my children who my heart aches to see the years slipping away into their adulthood and I never got to spend the quality time I wanted to with them because I became a single mom and had to work. I also believe Gods desires for me still involve Tennessee. I've had the feeling that east Tennessee is home to me for years before I ever visited. After I visited, it truly was home, but it has to be my "heart home" because I'm still in Indiana...for now. And God has always given me an unfailing love of animals. And of course, His desire for me is to love and serve Him. So lets see God, my daughters, Tennessee and animals?! Wonder where that could lead? I don't know but it sounds fun!

As I was struggling with this battle within early this morning, a friend on Facebook wrote: "Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God". I literally began crying when I saw this. He IS God and who am I to argue. Than as I was doing my Bible reading before reading this, God put the perfect Psalm in my reading...

"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.

How long will you attack a man?
You shall be slain, all of you,
Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence.
They only consult to cast him down from
   his high position;
They delight in lies;
They bless with their mouth,
But they curse inwardly.                         Selah

My soul, wait silently for God alone, 
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times,you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.                          Selah

Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighted on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor.
Do not trust in opression, 
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heart this;
That power belongs to God.
Also, to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according 
to his work.

Psalm 62


Before I go, I want you to tell me, have you had these spiritual battles? And what are those deep desires that God has places in your heart? Have you followed Gods guidance or not? What happened when you did either?

In my prayer book I have several things that I have been praying for years and I want to share them with you...

"Lord please let me be joyful in my  trials" James 1:2

"God bust down the barriers between me and whatever it is that You want for me in this life."

" God please break open our understanding and reveal Yourself to me!"

"Lord lead me BOLDLY where You want me."


Have a blessed day! :)

Home is where the heart is

I never completed my blog entries about our home so I thought I would give an overview. Unfortunately I could never express just how touched and blessed I was by the process of getting to know the beautiful people of Habitat for Humanity of Monroe County through this process.  And unfortunately this earthly life must carry on and I have to get to work shortly. But here goes...

So just like a whirlwind my house began being built and 10 days later, I had a home and my heart was about to explode with the love that was shown through hundreds of volunteer women who helped build our home. What an experience it was. My daughters got to come and help work on their own house. How cool is it for my daughters to be able to bring their children here some day and say, "I painted that room" or "I caulked that baseboard". Wow, a once in a lifetime chance.

The house is awesome but the most amazing thing to me is the hearts of the workers from Habitat and the volunteers that took time out of their days, time away from their families, time off from their jobs to help my family! Unbelievable!

Habitat for Humanity definitely changed my life in more than one day. Yes, I got a beautiful home out of it, but I got a new, beautiful extended family from the Habitat employees, the volunteers, the radio staff that was here covering the build and my beautiful neighbors!

God has blessed us!